Disadvantages of Adulthood

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Some days, I don't like being a grown-up much.

Sure, there are certain advantages. You get to stay up as late as you want (and pay for it at work the next morning), eat whatever you want (and bulge out of your jeans), or watch TV as long as you want (and generally turn into a pudgy sloth with no social life).

We’re in the process of buying a new house, and selling our current abode. It has been a great little house (emphasis on little) for the first two years of our marriage, but we’re ready for more space and a big, fenced-in yard for our behemoth dog to run free in.

I’ll be honest, buying a house while working full time and attempting to get through grad school is a little bit insane. Some days, my brain just doesn’t want to work anymore. Big, adult decisions like house-buying are scary. There’s no one else to blame if you make a mistake. What if you buy the wrong house and get stuck with a money pit a la Tom Hanks? What if we lose our jobs, or incur huge medical bills, or encounter any number of ruinous circumstances that leave us financially screwed and we can’t pay our mortgage?

If I take a deep breath, I realize that I’m overreacting. We already own a house, and owning a slightly bigger and more expensive one won’t be all that different. We’re careful with our finances, but what it really all boils down to is that God is sovereign, no matter if we have money to spare or if we’re financially ruined. We’re called to be good stewards with what we have, something I take very seriously, but the moment I start worrying and fretting and trying to hold onto money is the moment I miss the point completely.

So I’m crossing my fingers, praying, and hoping all grown-ups don’t end up like Hanks’ Walter Fielding.

The Dog Days of Summer

Flipity, flipity, flipiteeee-whooooooosh.

It's one of those super-cheesy/dramatic movies, where the calender on the wall has just had its pages ripped off and blown away by a big gust of wind, and then you suddenly realize three years have gone by and you have to figure out what's happened in the interim.

I felt kind of like that this week when I looked at the calendar. What? Summer's almost over? School begins in a couple of weeks? When did that happen?

And I find myself wondering, what have I done with my summer?

I've been working, of course, so I can't enjoy quite the lazy summer days of yesteryear. Our workdays are shorter, though, so life has been a bit more laid back, things have seemed less harried. We've spent a lot of time working on the house, which has been good. I've discovered IKEA, and my life will never be the same. And we've actually discovered that we have a yard under all that trash in the backyard. Who knew?

Mostly though, I've been spending my time on this:



Enter my wonderful, energetic, exhausting puppy, Scout! I love her soooo much, and, just as we had expected, she's been a lot of work. It's been really fun though, watching her grow from a tiny, fuzzy little squirt, to a big, gangly teenage German Shepherd that can already drag me around even though she's only about half grown. She may knock you over unintentionally, but she will love and kiss you to death once you're on the floor.

Since Scout is going to be a ridiculously large dog, and I'm a relatively average-sized woman living in a really, really small house, it is crucial that we train her right now. There will be NO taking off down the road after cats or jumping on guests when she is 80 lbs, it's just not acceptable. So last week, we started obedience school. The verdict is still out on how well she's learning, but I'm sure getting in a good workout on Tuesday nights.

I'll keep you updated on how the obedience training is going, but so far she's doing pretty well with "leave it" - that one comes in handy when you accidentally drop a piece of chocolate on the floor, your favorite pair of shoes simply can't take another gnawing, or you don't have the strength to hold her back from that roll of paper towels she's just discovered on the kitchen table.

It's definately been a summer I won't forget anytime soon. :)

This Old House

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No disrespect to Norm or anything, but renovating an old house isn't nearly as glamorous as it looks. I always thought that I would love to buy a cool old house in a fun neighborhood, and restore it its former glory in an artistic, modern way. Our house isn't anything spectacular architecturally, but it is cute, and it's definately old. And I really do enjoy working on it - it's just that I would enjoy it a lot more if I didn't also have a full time job.

I've always been a person who tends to see the potential in everything. This is great when it comes to people - I tend to take someone for who they could be, not just for who they are right now. When it comes to home renovations, however, this has proved to be a shortcoming. I stand in my house, look around, and I see tons of potential - but no time, or adequate funding, to get it there. And once I start one project (say, sewing curtains for the living room) it makes me notice 20 other things that need to be done (those windows need cleaning - no, replacing!).

All this to say, it's slowly dawning on me that maybe, just maybe, fixing up our house isn't the be-all-end-all that it's become for me. That, while it's a good thing to want to create a comfortable place to live, maybe I need to take a step back and have a priority check. That maybe somewhere I stopped wanting to create something livable and homey, and started wanting to create a showpiece for the Home and Garden channel. That maybe I need to do some more talking with God about the idols in my life, and less thinking about color schemes and finding the perfect guest bed on Craigslist.

Just maybe.

playing grown up

I have a life now.

Yes, a life. I’d forgotten what it was like.

My new job is wonderful. Right now we’re working summer hours, which means roughly 8:30-4, Monday through Friday (no working on the weekend!). We actually get vacation days and breaks (fall break, thanksgiving break, Christmas break) . I almost dissolved into tears of joy when I learned the break schedule. I have new toys to play with (aka, a laptop and design programs). And this afternoon I have been sitting in Stone Cup designing a book cover from old yearbook photos.

I have evenings again. Evenings mean bike rides, playing outside, pilates, and cooking dinner. Actually getting to the bank before it closes. You know, normal people activities.

Plus, I actually enjoy what I do. Lots of design, which is really fun. Really cool people.

I hung a whiteboard on my door and started a word of the day. Everyone has come to enjoy it; I get complaints if I don’t get a new word up by 9 a.m. each morning. Contests then ensue to see who can write the best sentence on the board. It gives people a reason to stop by my office. And maybe the routine will bump me up a few points on the GRE . . .

I can definitely say I haven’t been bored. It’s been some adjustment, as all new jobs are; and lots to learn.

God is good.

God was good before, too.

I often feel like a kid playing “grown up.” I go to my office, where I can initiate projects, call meetings, make suggestions. And people listen to me. They like what I have to say. And somewhere inside I think “but I’m just a kid. Don’t you know I’m just pretending to be a grown up?” I think the same thing when yet another friend gets married, has a baby, makes some life-altering, very adult-like career move.

It’s making more and more sense.

life stories

It's kind of hard to believe that this time last year I was getting ready to graduate, no clue as to what I was doing with my life beyond the brief walk across a stage and some quality time with a backpack and the UK. It's a terrifying and exhilarating feeling. Amazingly enough I have not only survived my first year in the "real world" but have actually made some sort of a life here.

There are still many things I abhor about adulthood, the most predominate of these is the nearly inevitability of being sucked into Corporate America. If you want to eat and pay bills, you pretty much have to work for The Man. Even the tiny newspapers for which I work are being slowly eaten away by the black death of corporate gluttony. When going through the hellish experience of looking to purchase a car, I even considered forgetting the car, quitting my job and working at a coffee shop that I could bike to every day. I may get there eventually, but for now I pay off my loans and build my portfolio, and wait for my escape. It is coming.

I actually can't wait for grad school. It'll be another year yet, but I'm excited about being in an academic environment again. I feel at home there.

One thing that I've been continually reminded of during this diverse and evolving year is that life is always changing, moving, growing. There are no constants except my Creator, and that is a beautiful and comforting thing. The world is broken and disastrous, but God is redeeming it, and redeeming it through me. People are depraved and fallen, but God enables us to live in community that rivals even the best of college camaraderie. The life is messed up and hard but it is also creative and beautiful and breathtaking. Relationships change, but they are still good.

In the past year I graduated from college, traveled the world, set up life in a new city, got a job as a journalist, was blessed with a community of believers, found a beloved, lost a beloved grandfather, sold a car, bought a car, and generally established myself as a genuine adult in my community. And I have always, always been taken care of. Life is nearly as up in the air as it was a year ago, but it is not nearly so scary any more.

I named my blog thestoryofwe, because I am constantly reminded that life is a series of stories, and that they are all more interconnected than we could ever dream. Life is narrative, and art, tradgedy and comedy. It is a story I want to tell.